it’s amazing how so much uncertainty, for so long, can clarify in a matter of minutes. today i decided not to pursue the Amazing Job For Which I Am Prematurely Qualified, namely a postdoc before I’m ABD. and that decision – one i’m happy about, one that i think will allow me to actually finish a dissertation in a reasonable period – causes a cascade of other decisions, like about when exactly i will be defending my proposal (3 weeks!), what my next month and next 2 years will look like, where i should reasonably pursue my field research site, where i’ll be living next year and whether i’ll be moving (no!).
i suppose that’s the natural state of this sort of job, but it’s something that’s hard for me to deal with. i very much like things settled, and have a hard time with things being in-between (hence my reminder to myself with my blog name to live liminally). but then, i also get immense satisfaction with seeing the pieces fit together, so today was a great day. i’m feeling relieved not only about the decisions being made but also about what i’ve decided; i didn’t realize how much stress it was causing.
also, it’s unbelievable how much of my job right now is about processing paperwork. important paperwork, paperwork that is timely and needs thought and is keeping my diss plans in motion, but paperwork nonetheless. time for my favorite summer drink, best with mushed berries: