it’s amazing how so much uncertainty, for so long, can clarify in a matter of minutes. today i decided not to pursue the Amazing Job For Which I Am Prematurely Qualified, namely a postdoc before I’m ABD. and that decision – one i’m happy about, one that i think will allow me to actually finish a dissertation in a reasonable period – causes a cascade of other decisions, like about when exactly i will be defending my proposal (3 weeks!), what my next month and next 2 years will look like, where i should reasonably pursue my field research site, where i’ll be living next year and whether i’ll be moving (no!).

i suppose that’s the natural state of this sort of job, but it’s something that’s hard for me to deal with. i very much like things settled, and have a hard time with things being in-between (hence my reminder to myself with my blog name to live liminally). but then, i also get immense satisfaction with seeing the pieces fit together, so today was a great day. i’m feeling relieved not only about the decisions being made but also about what i’ve decided; i didn’t realize how much stress it was causing.

also, it’s unbelievable how much of my job right now is about processing paperwork. important paperwork, paperwork that is timely and needs thought and is keeping my diss plans in motion, but paperwork nonetheless. time for my favorite summer drink, best with mushed berries:

best with mushed berries

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3 Comments on “settling”

  1. jeremy Says:

    Having decisions hanging over my head paralyze me with respect to practically everything else, so its good to have clarity about one’s future.

    (BTW, I think you mean that the books in the top section of your sidebar are nonfiction, unless you know something about those projects that I don’t.)

  2. jlena Says:

    I think your favorite drink and mine may be the same. That said, I’m more ocean than pool.

    Congratulations on your clarity. I hope it invigorates you, because it looks to be a busy time, indeed.

  3. auderey Says:

    jeremy – ahem. fixed. i’m totally with you about the decisions.

    jlena – i was just introduced to this last summer. hard to believe i ever survived without it.

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